Coping with Trauma and Life Changes: Hector’s Path to Recovery

3. The Forced Sobriety of Incarceration

It might seem counterintuitive, but for some, incarceration can be a pivotal moment in their recovery journey. It forces a complete break from the environment and habits that fuel addiction. For Hector, his longest jail stint, which lasted seven to eight months, played a crucial role. He explains that it “forced me into sobriety, if you will.” While no one wants to be incarcerated, he was able to use that time for positive change, and the forced break allowed his mind to clear and his thoughts to become more rational.

In this environment, he began to practice self-care and personal development by being more active and reading a lot more. He says, “I was just being a little bit more positively active with my mind and my body, and I think those changes started helping me feel better.” This demonstrates the power of creating new routines and focusing on positive habits. Incarceration didn’t magically solve his problems, but it gave him the physical space and mental clarity to start addressing them.

4. Reclaiming Your Identity and Building New Tools

One of the most profound aspects of Hector’s recovery is his shift from a life of shame and poor self-image to one of self-acceptance and purpose. He vividly describes his former self as “an asshole, a piece of shit.” These harsh words reflect the deep-seated shame that can accompany addiction and destructive behavior. However, his journey taught him that he wasn’t a bad person, but a person who lacked the right tools to navigate life’s challenges.

For Hector, one of the most significant tools he developed was the courage to seek professional help. He highlights the transformative power of therapy, saying it “opened that door up completely wide open for me.” Talking to a non-biased, non-judgmental professional helped him process his past actions and gain a new perspective on his identity. It challenged his way of thinking and made him realize that he wasn’t beyond redemption.

5. Sobriety vs. Recovery: A Different Path for Everyone

A common misconception about recovery is that it must follow a rigid, one-size-fits-all approach. However, Hector’s story challenges this notion, particularly in his distinction between sobriety and recovery. He defines sobriety as the goal of abstaining from substances, while recovery is the lifelong journey of healing and growth. He states, “recovery is the journey. Sobriety is the goal, if that’s what you want it to be. Again, everybody’s recovery is gonna be different.” This mindset embraces the reality that not everyone is ready or able to commit to complete abstinence right away.

Hector’s perspective aligns with the principles of harm reduction, a public health strategy that focuses on minimizing the negative consequences of drug use rather than demanding immediate abstinence. He acknowledges that there is a “middle ground” between total abstinence and active use. For him, this meant setting personal boundaries, like limiting his alcohol intake or using ride-sharing services to avoid drinking and driving. As someone who had multiple OWIs, these were crucial, life-saving choices.

6. The “Click”: Finding the Motivation Within

A major theme in Hector’s story is the idea of a “click”—a moment when a person’s mindset shifts and they become genuinely ready for change. For Hector, this moment was subtle but life-altering. While he was in the midst of his criminal case, his lawyer noticed a significant change in him. She told the court that he had become more “receptive” and that “something clicked.” This external validation was a powerful reinforcement of the internal changes he had already begun to make.

He explains that he had already started to notice a change in his demeanor, becoming less arrogant and more open. But he was also looking for external acknowledgment. When his lawyer recognized his progress, it gave him the validation he needed. He says, “maybe this isn’t farfetched. Maybe I am, you know, doing things correctly.” This “click” sparked a new sense of purpose, making him want to do more with his life.

7. Acknowledging What Comes and Letting It Go

One of the most valuable lessons Hector has learned is the art of acceptance. He’s found that a key to maintaining his peace is to “acknowledge what comes to you and sort of accept it and letting it go.” Life will always throw curveballs, both good and bad, but the key is not to let those events dictate your emotional state.

He reflects on a powerful personal philosophy: “nothing lasts forever, not the good or the bad.” This mindset allows him to weather life’s storms without letting them completely derail him. It’s about taking back control and not letting “the actions and the outcomes of actions… dictate where your peace is gonna be at.”

8. The Stepping Stone Approach

In recovery, the journey is often more important than the destination. Hector compares the process to a “stepping stone,” where you take one small step at a time without necessarily seeing the end of the path. He advises, “acknowledge what you’re doing in that moment… and then, you know, keep progressing little by little.” This approach is a powerful antidote to the feeling of being overwhelmed by the long road ahead.

9. Finding a New Purpose in Helping Others

One of the most rewarding parts of Hector’s recovery is his newfound purpose in helping others. He now works as a peer support specialist, a role that allows him to use his lived experience to guide people who are where he once was. He says he wants to help others “genuinely because I know that they might feel how I felt, like, it feels like there’s no way out.” This shift from a life of self-destruction to one of service is a common and powerful part of long-term recovery.